Tag: Guest Blogger Jenny Heitz

LA Private Elementary School Moms: What We LOVE About Our Kids’ Schools!

admin 2 Comments
My 2nd Grade Son’s Willows School Art Project


“They don’t miss a thing…this school really knows each child.”
 – Jenny, John Thomas Dye


“Our family is happy with so many things at Wildwood School. The sense of community and understanding for all types of differences creates such a wonderful environment in which to learn and grow. The teachers and other staff are truly interested in understanding each child as an individual and strive to help them learn in a way that is meaningful to them. Questions are encouraged, differences in opinion are welcomed as a way to stimulate deeper discussion of a topic, and alternative answers are readily accepted. While it is sometimes difficult for everyone to see the benefit of a more progressive type of education, the collaborative approach of project based learning will help prepare our children to be successful in whatever path they choose. Teaching children how to think critically, work as a team, and present their ideas is what will set them apart as they begin college and later enter the workforce”.
-Amy, Wildwood Elementary School


“I love that the teachers have such great attitudes and greet the kids every morning with enthusiasm! I also love that the school uses humor. It has just the right mix of being focused, thoughtful and academic while fostering a sense of enthusiasm, joy and love. My kids amaze me not only with what they are learning, but the complexity of their understanding of the material.”
-Gretchen, The Willows Community School


“What I love most about Campbell Hall is it’s down-to-earth culture. There’s an extremely strong sense of community, and I think that comes from the school’s philosophy of focusing on the whole child, not just the academic aspect. I like the notion that it’s just as important to be a kind person as it is to be a smart person.”
-Lauren, Campbell Hall


“What I love about PS#1 is the fact that all the teachers know my kids, even though my kids have not had all of the teachers. I like the fact that there is a community among the students. When my son was in kindergarten he knew and played with 5th and 6th graders who adored him and took care of him. Now that he is in 3rd grade, he has friends who are in 1st grade and friends who are in 6th grade.  I love that my naturally super organized daughter has the structure she needs to learn the way she learns best and the support she needs to stand up in front of the whole school, make announcements and be comfortable doing it.  I love the fact that the kids who come from PS#1 know how to ask for– and get guidance from–teachers, other adults and peers to help them learn….to me this the most valuable life skill ever!”  I love PS#1 because it is truly a community of parents who are different, unique, open and caring.”
–Kim Hamer, PS#1 Elementary 


“What I like most about Mirman is that it has very high, but not unreasonable, expectations in terms of academics and behavior. My child simply thrives in this environment.”
-Jenny Heitz, Mirman School


“I like St. James because it’s diverse, the academics are good, and the kids are a little more innocent there as compared to the kids at some other schools.”
-Alison, St. James Episcopal School


“I love the fact that Crossroads Elementary School has the mantra, “Is it True, is it Kind, is it Necessary?” These words are evident in the children’s attitudes towards others. The children are warm and welcoming, and I have yet to hear from my daughter (who is new to the fourth grade this year) of any type of social strife between the girls.”
– Carole, Crossroads Elementary School


“The Willows Community School continues to amaze me with its integrated curriculum and the big picture approach to teaching. The art program is truly spectacular. Cathy the librarian, is always there to help my kids select books, give them ideas about what they can read next and instill in them a love of reading. The modern, urban campus is also one of my favorite things about the school.”
-Christina Simon, The Willows Community School 




*Added on 3/23/11

I love Brentwood School because it defies labels, and that seemed very rare to me as I evaluated the options. If you’re looking for a nurturing, challenging, thoughtful and spirited community, Brentwood won’t let you down. For my children who are very different from one another, I love Brentwood because the teachers who have taught them both, have understood them and delivered unique, relevant and highly personal experiences for both, all on the same beautiful campus. In addition to the exceptional caliber of personnel, the selection of children to accompany my kids on this journey, has been superb. I guess I love Brentwood School because as I said, it defies labels, and attracts both staff and families which embrace the idea that sometimes making a difference has to be a foundation of the school, if it is to be a foundation of the character of its students.
-Adrienne, Brentwood Lower School 

 


Is there something you love about your child’s private elementary school? Leave a comment and share with other moms!


To comment, click on “comments” at the end of any post. You don’t have to register or sign in. You can choose to leave your comment anonymously (just scroll down until you see “anonymous” under your name options).Sometimes Google Blogger requires you to click “Post” a few times before your comment will go through

Guest Blogger Jenny: Holiday Gift Giving At Private Elementary Schools

admin 3 Comments
It’s Gift Giving Season At LA Private Elementary Schools


For years now, I have heard horror stories about holiday season at private schools. Rumor had it that super expensive gifts were an unspoken requirement, that the “group gift” given by all the parents forced the dropping of hundreds of dollars. This is fairly foreign to me. I may have gone to Crossroads a million years ago, but I don’t remember any holiday gifts handed out. Possibly the “gift” of not having to deal with obnoxious teenagers for two whole weeks was enough.

The definitive (and excellent) piece written on the gifting subject (specifically targeting Los Angeles private schools), was published in The New Yorker in 2004 by Caitlin Flanagan. Ms. Flanagan had firsthand experience with the phenomenon, with her progeny then attending The Center for Early Education. While she did make it sound like The Center had a new (in 2004) no gifts policy, she also made it clear that wealthy parents often ignore these edicts. Big gift item tales from other schools ranged from the truly over-the-top (Prince tickets) to bizarrely awful (green plastic shrimp forks). I wondered, then, how much, if anything, had changed since 2004?

Keep in mind, too, that my daughter attended Third St. Elementary for three years before switching to private school. Public school teacher gifts are pretty low key. Typically, a room parent would collect roughly twenty bucks from each family and then purchase a gift certificate at Nordstrom or its equivalent. One year, I gave a book on travel to one of her teachers who was particularly wonderful (he traveled extensively during his time off). It was mellow, partly because it was public school, and partly because the student body was so socio-economically diverse. And while Ms. Flanagan pointed out in her aforementioned article that Korean parents (who are legion at Third St.) have a cultural veneration for teachers, and thus give lavish gifts, I didn’t notice it (maybe they kept it on the down low).

So, I’ve been approaching the holidays with a certain degree of trepidation. We’re new to the school, we’d like to fit in, but spending hundreds of dollars on a teacher’s gift seems insane (especially since, at Mirman, she has a main teacher, an assistant teacher, and individual Music, Science, Spanish, Art, P.E., Violin, and Drama teachers (I’m sure I’m leaving someone out here, like maybe the assistants to all those specialty teachers). That’s a LOT of presents. And I’m not saying these dedicated educators, who work very hard and are devoted to the kids, don’t deserve recognition. They do, lots of it; just maybe not recognition in the form of Prada wallets or Lakers tickets.

Well, not to worry. Every good school has policies, and Mirman covers all the bases. Its gift giving policy advocates (I’m quoting here from the Info Manual) “…a voluntary policy for those wishing to give a token of appreciation to an individual member of the faculty or staff. In keeping with this policy, room parents are instructed not to collect for a group gift at either the winter holiday or the end of the year. Anyone wishing to show their appreciation should send either a note of thanks or a modest individual gift.”

Now, I guess “modest” is pretty subjective. What’s “modest” to a billionaire is far different than what’s “modest” to me. But I’ll take my chances on a card my kid makes and some Barnes and Noble gift cards in “modest” amounts. Maybe I’ll throw in my famous cinnamon nuts (a real crowd pleaser; recipe on my blog Find A Toad).

So that’s the scoop at Mirman on holiday giving. I know Willows Community School has a policy in which every family gives anonymously and it’s divvied up amongst the staff (a truly elegant and egalitarian arrangement, giving teachers and staff what they really want, which is cash). The average gift per family at The Willows is $100. I’ve heard rumors of far more elaborate expectations at some other very popular private elementary schools, but I have no idea if these are true.

So, readers, what has your experience been around the holidays at private school? Inquiring minds and gifters want to know! Leave a comment!

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.

This Private School Mom’s Unconventional, Hippie, Home-Schooling, Vegan Upbringing

admin 6 Comments
Me and my kids, Oct. 2010


Right: Thornton Ave. Reunion, 1996.


 



Right: From the book, Venice of America, our family and neighbors, Thornton Ave. Venice

Venice Of America By Sweet William, 1976

From the book, Venice of America. Birthday party at our house, 22 Thornton Ave. Venice.
Me with ponytails. To my right, my late sister, Nani.

When I invited guest blogger Jenny Heitz to write a piece about Perfect Mommy Syndrome at LA private elementary schools, I though it would be of interest to our blog readers, many of whom are mid-way through the intensely competitive LA private elementary school admissions process. Our blog also focuses on what life at private elementary schools is like for moms and kids. These schools are filled with “perfect moms” of one type or another. Jenny’s piece accurately depicts the most common types of moms afflicted with “Perfect Mommy Syndrome”. I’m not a perfect mom…far from it. Read on and you’ll find out why.

I thought it would be interesting to quote two celebrities who have strong (and controversial) opinions about parenting. Supermodel Gisele and Mayim Bialik have both been outspoken about their personal parenting opinions, both quoted in People magazines and other national publications. I asked the question, “Are Celebrity Moms Too Perfect” as the lead-in to Jenny’s piece.

Wow! Mayim responded with a blog piece of her own. That’s great. What astonished Jenny and me were the comments left on this blog by Mayim’s followers (otherwise known as “trolls” or people who leave nasty comments on blogs they don’t usually read).These were some of the most hate-filled, ignorant and angry comments I’ve seen on a blog. Here are a few choice comments by anonymous posters:

“By pulling headlines and making up stuff, you just look dumb.” “Anonymous”


“What pathetic judgmental drivel! Jealous much? 
Oh and Josie, you are kidding right? How much did you research your CHOICE to inject toxins in your child’s blood veins? Trust me I know WAY MORE on the topic than you do! So yeah, I am a better parent if I took the time to research fully and not just take doctors (who are human and failable and many are just as ignorant and ill informed as many parents they are leading on) on their word seeing as they have the pharmaceutical reps in their back pocket! 

And what do you know about homeschool? Except that you would be a terrible homeschooling parent.

Get a life lady, you have no clue about the world around you! “Anonymous”

(Note: the troll above misspelled the word “fallible”)

My Hippie Childhood:

What very few people know about me is that I may not be a “typical” private elementary school mom. I was raised in Venice, CA. We moved to Topanga when I was 10 years old. I was home-schooled until 4th grade, when I enrolled at Topanga Elementary School. We were strict vegans. That meant no animal products and in addition, no sugar, white flour or anything else my parents deemed to be “toxic”.We left many activities like the Girl Scouts and other official functions because they served cookies or meat. It was strict and extreme.

Mine was a hippie family, in every way. From Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix and Black Panthers as idols to the “it’s ok to be nude 24/7” attitude. My mom was African American. My dad, white. We were the only—or one of the only– mixed race families in Topanga as far as I could tell. How do I know that? I was called “Zebra” too many times to count. The first time I went to the dentist, I was 12 years old. I had more than 25 cavities, that took a year to deal with. I lost 2 teeth as a result. I never saw a pediatrician. Headaches were not treated with Tylenol, but instead with herbal tea. My parents followed various Indian gurus, did yoga and lived a rather secluded life. We gardened, ate organic and composted. We shopped at health food stores. We didn’t have a television. My parents smoked pot. Our clothes were from thrift stores. We didn’t, however, live on a commune.

Death Without Doctors. When I was about 11 years old, the unimaginable happened. My mom, age 40, was self-diagnosed with breast cancer. She told us she injured her breast running on Venice beach years earlier (not true). Over time, she became very ill. She didn’t believe in Western medicine and refused to see a doctor. She was tired. She lost weight. By the time I was 17, she was extremely ill. At home, my sister, dad and I cared for her the best we could. No nurses or hospice. I’ll spare you the worst details, but if you’ve ever taken care of a dying person, it is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The suffering of my mom is etched in my mind forever. She flew to the Phillipines to seek treatment from a holistic healer. It didn’t work. I begged her to live. I told her I still needed her, that I was only 18. She got sicker. Still no doctor. Paralysis set in. Then blindness. Brain damage. Coma. Death. I was 19 years old. She was 50 years old. I miss her every day. Somehow, I picked up the pieces of my broken soul and went off to UC Berkeley. My late sister also went to Berkeley and then to Harvard Law School (that’s how she met my husband, Barry, and introduced us).

Seeking Balance: Since I’ve had kids, I’ve realized that balance is key in all aspects of my family’s life. Celebrity moms influence us, without question. We look to them as perfect, even when we know they are not. My family isn’t vegan, but there are vegan restaurants we go to (I love Vegan Glory on Beverly Blvd.). We eat organic sometimes. I could care less how much sugar my kids’ progressive school serves on Halloween.

My Life Now: So there! Now you know a little bit more about me. I’ve lived the bohemian life. I know it inside and out. To me, it’s not glamorous. But, it’s the right choice for some families. Just not mine. What am I like now? I love Prada and Chloe handbags. I wear J. Crew and 7 For All Mankind jeans. My politics are left-of-center. I spent years working on staff for LA County Supervisor Mark Ridley-Thomas. I married someone from a wealthy, conservative Jewish background. Our upbringings are totally dissimilar. I’ve never met his parents because I’m black (or according to them, an “N” word).We give as much money as we can to charities, progressive elected officials and our kids’ school. My favorite writers are Cormac McCarthy, J.M. Coetzee and Toni Morrison. I never, ever shop on sale and I can’t stand vintage clothing. Oh, and my medicine cabinet is filled with Tylenol and other good stuff.

One of the things I loved most about my family was their tolerance for everyone. That, my friends, is absent in Mayim’s follower’s comments on this blog. As for those celebrity moms who give interviews about parenting to national magazines? If you can’t handle having your quotes repeated, don’t say them in the first place!

Guest Blogger Jenny: Perfect Mommy Syndrome In LA Private Elementary Schools

admin 21 Comments

Perfect Mommy Syndrome: Are Celebrity Moms Too Perfect?


Fame

Supermodel Gisele: “Mandatory Breastfeeding Should Be Worldwide Law” and “Natural childbirth didn’t hurt in the slightest”. (Source: Us Magazine)

Mayim Bialik:

Mayim Bialik: Her son Fred was born at home, and Miles (age 3) was able to watch the whole thing from his high chair while eating homemade granola. Mayim makes her own shampoo, cleaning products and granola, potty-trained her kids by age 18 months, doesn’t vaccinate and plans to homeschool her kids. (Source: People Magazine)

A perfect mommy. Who wouldn’t want to have that moniker? Perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect body, perfect career. Ok, but if you were really like this, you’d also have no friends, since everyone would hate you.

It’s also a complete impossibility. Still, there are plenty of mommies running around town pretending they’re perfect. And many of them, I suppose, send their kids to private school (although one of the suspects I have in mind has actually sent her child to many a school, public and private, because none of them were perfect enough for her and her perfect child… but I digress).

There are a few renditions of the Perfect Private School Mommy. The first version, The Beauty Queen, is very well put together. She’s the one in the fur vest and teetering heels and huge diamonds at three in the afternoon. You always wonder where she came from, where she’s going, and how much time and effort it took to look like that. You wonder this while standing in grubby Converse hightops and a sweatshirt that hasn’t been washed in two weeks. The Queen is nice, in an “I’m above it all” sort of way. She is apart, and you sense she wants it that way, as if she’s meant to be gazed upon and discussed, but not conversed with.

Another version is the ultra efficient school organizer mommy, code name General MacArthur. She’s on every committee. She knows everything going on at the school; just ask her! But if you do, expect a slightly patronizing, knowing lilt, because knowledge to this one is power, and she’s not afraid to wield it. Because she’s always on campus, you’d think her kid would be exemplary, but he’s not (no matter, since no one wants to be honest with her and lose her much needed services). This woman was on student council from birth, had a super corporate job, and has applied all her frustrated ambitions to the running of the school.

Still another version: the Safety Monitor. This perfect mommy worries. She worries a lot. She worries on everyone else’s behalf. She worries about the kids’ online access at school. She worries they will be snatched on a field trip (honestly, I want to say to people with this fear, no one wants your children except for you). She worries about injuries on the schoolyard and the one mile run the kids have to do for fitness testing (heat prostration?). This is also the mommy who probably writes those bizarre online child abuse “chance encounter” posts regarding other people’s children: “To the mother of the twins in the park with the old woman giving them food with high fructose corn syrup: please contact me to learn more.”

Are they all annoying? Of course. Should you take them seriously? Please don’t. Remember that entering a school yard as an adult can be a loaded experience, reducing many parents to the wimpy, scared, bullied, teased dorks they used to be. While some of us deal with this by being low key and trying to make it about our kids (the ones actually currently enrolled in school), others compensate in extreme ways. While I haven’t encountered much of this irritating behavior at Mirman, I’ve heard enough complaints from both private and public school parents to know it’s common. And take comfort in this: if you can look around and recognize these personalities at your school, it probably means you aren’t one of them.

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.

Guest Blogger Jenny: Helicopter Parenting: The Blades On The Chopper Go Round & Round

admin 1 Comment

Helicopter Parents: They Hover

There’s been a lot written lately about extreme parenting. I’m not talking about the home schooling, pioneer garb wearing, technology shunning extreme, I’m talking about extreme (disguised as concerned) that’s sinking into the general culture, indeed even into the private school culture.

 

Take, for instance, the idea of attachment parenting. That’s when you have the baby and instantly strap it to you in a sling, feed it on demand, and share every moment with it. In other words, you’re a prisoner of your infant. While I can see how this constant supervision might work in, say, a tribe or multi-generational household (in which adults trade off the necessary responsibility of a baby), it seems enormously impractical in modern life. As Erica Jong wrote recently in an article called “Mother Madness” in the Wall Street Journal: “…How you do this (attachment parenting) and earn the money to keep her is rarely discussed.” Not to mention how you keep your sanity.

 

You know what the natural offshoot of attachment parenting is? The helicopter parent. The constant control, extreme attentiveness, and obsessive care bordering on fatal neurosis are all reminiscent of attachment parenting. Children are treated like delicate hothouse orchids that must be tended round the clock lest they keel over (or perhaps escape). These are parents who plan every minute and activity for their children and never let them do anything alone.

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that some of the kids in Anna’s class have never been separated from their parents. This spring, there’s an overnight field trip to Sacramento planned, in order to learn about state government (these kids have spent plenty of time on the 405; now it’s time to learn about the other gridlock). When it was first mentioned at a parents’ night, parents were informed that, if they wanted to go on the Sacramento trip, they must first volunteer for two regular field trips. I was mystified. Was this a way to deter parents from volunteering? Because I knew one thing for sure: I had NO interest in going to Sacramento for an overnight with a bunch of kids.

 

I was wrong, of course. It wasn’t a deterrent; just a way to ensure that they had parents for the regular field trips, too. Because, you see, it turns out I’m in the minority. What I view as an opportunity for an adult evening, (while my child is in the best possible hands) is viewed by helicopter parents as an unacceptable lack of control. There are plenty of parents clamoring for the opportunity to chaperone an out of town overnight. Plenty.

 

The really funny thing about these private school helicopter parents is that private school, for the most part, makes helicoptering redundant. Private schools try to anticipate students’ needs. The institutions are nurturing and attentive. Expectations and requirements are clearly indicated, and performance is rewarded. In the private school sphere, the helicopter parent is a mere annoyance: a pesky mosquito instead of a diligently patrolling machine.

 

At my daughter’s school, this dynamic is particularly obvious. Mirman is extremely child focused. While the school might want my money for annual giving or my time for volunteer work, it really doesn’t want to hear from me otherwise. Much of the time, when dealing with the teaching staff, I feel gently humored. Sure, my kid might be bright, but who’s to say I’m not a blithering idiot. And don’t think I resent the school’s attitude; I actually appreciate and applaud it. Because let’s face it: I’m not qualified to educate my child, and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to weigh in on it that often. That’s what the school gets paid to do.

 

As I watch these parents circle their children, examine their every expression, scrutinize their friendships and monitor their meals, I think about my daughter’s choice (and thus the choice of many of her friends) of reading material. Books like Harry Potter, The Time Trilogy, The Narnia Chronicles, The Hunger Games, Rick Riordan novels, His Dark Materials, and many others all have parents who are dead, absent, distracted, or simply not of any real importance to the plot. The child protagonists in these books survive by their wits and ingenuity, not by depending on adults. This is what kids crave. And this is what their helicopter parents, who want to give them everything, will never give them.

 

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.