You Know You’re An L.A. Private School Mom When…

Not your average book club. (Photo: Southern
Not your average book club. (Photo: Southern


  • Your kindergartner innocently asks, “Where IS our second home?”


  • On the first day of school, you notice a lot of moms with the coveted “It bag,” the same handbag the store told you is sold out.


  • A group of moms at one popular school formed a book club that is so exclusive it has a professional literary moderator, costs $250 per mom and has a wait-list.


  • The school has a policy requiring parents do their own volunteer work rather than send their nannies.


  •  It’s not unusual to see a family’s chauffer driven vehicle in carpool.


  • A celebrity family asks the school if their own private, heavily armed bodyguards can protect the school for the “safety of all the kids.”


  • Moms can’t get rid of the evil gluten fast enough. One mom suggests the school should become a “gluten free zone.”


  • Necessities are private chefs, multiple nannies, a house manager, a driver, tutors and a masseuse.


  •  Cotillion is an extracurricular activity.


  • Because their friends are having them, kids demand pricey Bat and Bar Mitzvahs even though they aren’t Jewish.


  • In keeping with school tradition, to celebrate a girl’s birthday, her locker is decorated with $100 bills.


  •  Hot lunch includes only grass-fed meat, organics, vegan and non-GMO options.


  • There is no such thing as a single vacation home, only “winter homes” and “summer homes.”


  • A mom tells you she no longer likes Marc by Marc Jacobs because her daughter and all her daughter’s friends are wearing it.


  • You get your first glimpse of a “Manny” and you instantly know why the other mom hired him to take care of her kids.


Go big, or go home!
Go big, or go home!
  • To decorate one of two kindergarten classrooms for Halloween, a mom brings in her entire design crew to build elaborate, ceiling-high decorations. The poor mom who decorated the other classroom without professionals was left wondering what happened when the head of school walked by and commented on the obvious differences.


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Christina Simon: Los Angeles, California, United States I'm the mom of two kids who attended The Willows School in Culver City and Viewpoint School in Calabasas. My daughter is a graduate of Northwestern University Medill School of Journalism ('23) and my son is a sophomore at UPenn/Wharton ('26). I live in Coldwater Canyon with my husband, Barry, and our dogs. Contact me at

6 thoughts to “You Know You’re An L.A. Private School Mom When…”

  1. LOL. I love these posts, Christina. Thank goodness we seem to have found a private school that, if this stuff exists (and I’m sure it does), I am happily unaware of it all!

    1. Yes, dads are important readers of this blog too! I’ve tried to find dads to guest blog, but so far no luck. I’m not as in the loop with dads as I am with moms, as you might imagine. Thanks for the comment! Christina

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