You Know You’re An L.A. Private School Mom When…

Not your average book club. (Photo: Southern
Not your average book club. (Photo: Southern


  • Your kindergartner innocently asks, “Where IS our second home?”


  • On the first day of school, you notice a lot of moms with the coveted “It bag,” the same handbag the store told you is sold out.


  • A group of moms at one popular school formed a book club that is so exclusive it has a professional literary moderator, costs $250 per mom and has a wait-list.


  • The school has a policy requiring parents do their own volunteer work rather than send their nannies.


  •  It’s not unusual to see a family’s chauffer driven vehicle in carpool.


  • A celebrity family asks the school if their own private, heavily armed bodyguards can protect the school for the “safety of all the kids.”


  • Moms can’t get rid of the evil gluten fast enough. One mom suggests the school should become a “gluten free zone.”


  • Necessities are private chefs, multiple nannies, a house manager, a driver, tutors and a masseuse.


  •  Cotillion is an extracurricular activity.


  • Because their friends are having them, kids demand pricey Bat and Bar Mitzvahs even though they aren’t Jewish.


  • In keeping with school tradition, to celebrate a girl’s birthday, her locker is decorated with $100 bills.


  •  Hot lunch includes only grass-fed meat, organics, vegan and non-GMO options.


  • There is no such thing as a single vacation home, only “winter homes” and “summer homes.”


  • A mom tells you she no longer likes Marc by Marc Jacobs because her daughter and all her daughter’s friends are wearing it.


  • You get your first glimpse of a “Manny” and you instantly know why the other mom hired him to take care of her kids.


Go big, or go home!
Go big, or go home!
  • To decorate one of two kindergarten classrooms for Halloween, a mom brings in her entire design crew to build elaborate, ceiling-high decorations. The poor mom who decorated the other classroom without professionals was left wondering what happened when the head of school walked by and commented on the obvious differences.