Sh*t Private School Mothers Say- Part 2

Some kids only swim in infinity pools
  • She doesn’t want to swim today because you don’t have an infinity pool.
  • I really don’t mind being at my kid’s volleyball game with stiches in my eyes. Next week, I’ll look 10 years younger!
  •  NBA star “Laker God” lives in our gated community. Jordan just has to walk next door for private basketball lessons.
  • Horseback riding is a way of life.
  • His stint in rehab for crack addiction was 3 years ago…now he just does the occasional Ecstasy but it doesn’t impact his board duties.
  • We just bought a sports team.
  • My art dealer called today to let me know a painting hanging on my wall is now worth $200,000. but I’m not selling it.
  • DUIs aren’t a big deal…they’re easy to get rid of.
  • Don’t let that teacher tutor your kids at home. She’s on the prowl for a rich guy.
  • We fired our chef because we found out he stole one of my husband’s scripts.
  • Dr. Z will give you any scripts you want–with a bunch of refills–without even examining you!
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Christina Simon: Los Angeles, California, United States I'm the mom of two kids who attended The Willows School in Culver City and Viewpoint School in Calabasas. My daughter is a graduate of Northwestern University Medill School of Journalism ('23) and my son is a sophomore at UPenn/Wharton ('26). I live in Coldwater Canyon with my husband, Barry, and our dogs. Contact me at csimon2007@gmail.com

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