Guest Blogger Jenny Heitz – Page 8

Guest Blogger Jenny: Private Schooling With Celebrities!

February 26, 2011May 14, 2013 admin 2 Comments

Do Stars Shine Brightly At LA Private Schools?

The Daily Truffle posted a list of celebrities who graduated from Los Angeles area schools. Although L.A. is thought of as a city of transplants, natives can be found hiding in the manicured landscape. And I should know, since I’m one of them.

Having grown up in Beverlywood and attended Crossroads from 8-12^th grades, I was amused by the Truffle’s list. It was, of course, heavily weighted toward the obvious sort of celebrity (I saw no brain surgeons or physicists on the list, although I’m sure there are some who graduated from my alma mater). And it made me think about the celebrity kids I went to school with, as well as the exposure to the celebrity culture my daughter might have as she makes her way through the L.A. private school scene.

I graduated from Crossroads in 1986, along with a good number of immensely bright and talented people, some of who are now mildly famous. Take, for instance, Anthony Wilson, an incredible working musician who plays guitar all over the world, or the bluegrass singer Gillian Welch. Matthew Tyrnaur, a roving editor for Vanity Fair who wrote, directed and produced last year’s documentary, “Valentino, The Last Emperor,” is a huge talent. How about Richard Rushfield, a terribly sardonic writer who, after publishing a couple of books, has finally hit his stride with the recently released American Idol: The Untold Story. Another example is Crossroads alum Maya Rudolph, who’s simply one of the funniest women ever on SNL.

Here’s the rub, though: for every superbright, very accomplished, fabulously erudite alum there are the duds who ruin it for everyone. While I can crow about my talented aforementioned classmates, there’s a Crossroads wall of shame, too. Poor Gary Coleman graduated in my Crossroads class. Performance genius Peter Sellars’ daughter, Victoria, went to Crossroads as well (her nickname was Pebbles, she has since been in porn, say no more). And, finally, just to utterly destroy any sense of pride I might have had, mental giant Brody Jenner (of reality show “The Hills” fame) graduated from Crossroads, too. Not exactly a sterling endorsement.

Perusing the list further, I came to the conclusion that, if you want your kid to have mega studio contacts, sending the tyke to Crossroads or Harvard Westlake is probably a sound move. There’s a ton of kids of Hollywood power players at these schools, and since Hollywood is merely an extension of high school socially (although played for higher stakes), there’s value in who you know. When I looked at Buckley’s “star” alums, though, it seemed resolutely “D” list: Paris Hilton, Alyssa Milano, Melissa Rivers.

The determination I’ve made is that sending kids to school with celebrities is probably unavoidable in Los Angeles, but not really a positive. It’s one thing to get a great education and then go out there and conquer the world, but that’s not what celebrity kids do. They are a distraction from the education, a sort of private school sideshow that titillates the ordinary students, but ultimately adds nothing to the academic experience. I may have graduated with Gary Coleman, but I do not remember him in any of my classes. He was like a celebrity ghost.

Now that my daughter attends Mirman, I wander around the campus sometimes, looking for the evidence of celebrity. I haven’t found it. It may exist there, somewhere, but at Mirman academic accomplishment seems to trump all. Whether they’re figuring out a math proof, composing a poem, or performing in a play, the school’s emphasis is on who you are as a person and what you can produce, not where you came from and who you know. And who knows? Anna just might be sitting next to a future Nobel Prize winner, or the inventor of the next Facebook, or maybe just a really good, really nice kid who will be her loyal friend forever. You never know.

Editor’s Note: The Willow’s School has had it’s share of notable celebrity kids. The daughters of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore were students there. So was Courtney Love’s daughter. And Steven Spielberg’s kid. There is currently a major, A+List celebrity family at the school. For privacy reasons, I won’t mention the name. But, it does make for fun “star-sightings!”

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.

Your Child’s Visiting and Testing Day

February 24, 2011May 23, 2012 admin 1 Comment

If you’re nervous about your kid’s “playdate” or “visiting day” at the schools where you’ve applied, you’re probably not alone. Who wouldn’t be nervous taking their child to a new school to “play” with a mock class of 20 or so other kids they don’t know? As I’ve said before, this part of the process was the most disconcerting aspect of the entire admissions process for me. I found it VERY stressful. It’s like a ridiculously bad dream that you’re unable to avoid. But, we got through it. And, so did thousands of other parents and their kids all over Los Angeles that year. And every year.

You really have very little control over what happens during the “playdate” or visiting day. Your child may be excited and enthusiastic or not. They may be hesitant or reluctant. Most schools know everyone will be nervous. Admissions directors do try to make the environment as relaxed as possible. They know you may be tense and your child will be picking up on your demeanor. Trust the school to make the day as low-key and stress-free as possible. That’s part of their job!

My advice? Try not to over-think the day before (or after) it happens.

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t send your nanny to take your child to visiting day.

We discuss visiting days extensively in Beyond The Brochure. I’ve also written these posts about my daughter’s visiting days. Guest blogger Jenny Heitz has also shared her visiting day stories too.

We hope this helps!

Guest Blogger Jenny: I Want My Manny! At Private Schools, Mannies A Status Symbol

February 11, 2011February 21, 2012 admin 3 Comments

A Typical Manny?

In Los Angeles, there’s so many ways to raise kids. You can go free range, attachment, home school, Ferberize, stay at home, work from home, work full time, have a live-in nanny, a part time nanny, a babysitter, or… a Manny.

The actual definition of a Manny isn’t complicated: it’s a nanny who just so happens to be a guy. But, for some reason, Mannies attract attention aplenty, and their general criterion seems quite different from that of their female Nanny counterparts.

Look at the line up at the private school carpool lanes, at any pretty park in L.A., or on a nice day at The Grove, and you’ll see a plethora of Nannies. Many of them are immigrants, most already seem to have children of their own, and almost all possess the maternal confidence that only experience (and, to a limited degree, perhaps gender) can provide.

Judging from the many online mommy group bulletin board Nanny queries, the requirements for a good nanny involve being able to work long hours, clean in the off times, cook on occasion, care for other women’s kids as if they were their own, and change diapers. Requiring very little per hour, but still being able to drive, is a bonus.

Compare those requirements to the Mannies I’ve seen. One I know is Yale educated with a theater background. He’s super cool, loves to read The New York Times, and will rough house with the kids. He, of course, drives. He demands to be treated as a peer, because he really is a peer. Maternal skills, diaper changing, and cleaning are not required. I have no idea about pay.

What’s the real value added for the kids? Probably the playtime. Let’s face it: many parents work very long hours, and don’t have much energy to spare for marathon handball competitions. Add to this the fact that parents are having kids later and later, and suddenly an energetic young male who will give endless piggyback rides so that Geriatric Dad doesn’t have to seems like an excellent idea. Although this might not hold true; Lenore Skenazy, of FreeRange Kids fame, admits that her assumption that a Manny would play outside with her sons more turned out to be wrong.

Of course, the irony of the Manny idea is that this is a generation that tends to view any male interested in their children as a potential predator. I guess if the male in question is young, sporty and ivy-league educated, this concern is unwarranted (by the way, this concern probably is unwarranted, and insulting to males generally, under most circumstances).

So, when the Nannies show up to school to pick up their charges, no one thinks a thing of it. They’re like part of the scenery. But when the Manny arrives, he’s cool, or cute (perversely evil minds wonder what other services he might supply besides childcare), or like a novelty act. He is a strange childcare status symbol, indeed, part Pied Piper, part Peter Pan, supper club approved, and all pedigreed.

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.

Guest Blogger Jenny: Private Elementary School Homework: Too Much, Too Little, or Just Right?

February 5, 2011February 21, 2012 admin Leave a comment

Homework used to just be a given in school, the thing you had to do upon your return to home. I don’t remember anyone helping me much, or asking me about it, or registering complaints with the teacher regarding it. It just was.

Cut to today’s schools, full of different homework policies and parents often tearing their hair out over nightly homework battles. Kids are crying. Kids are losing stuff. Parents are scratching their heads over math they once knew but now can’t fathom explaining. Tutors are hired. Tutors are fired. And everyone wonders if the situation is the same at another school.

After speaking with a couple of friends, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no cohesive homework policy at work anywhere. Volume and difficulty runs a wide range.

For instance, my daughter is in 4^th grade at Mirman. Mirman has a deserved reputation for being academically demanding, and I had heard horror stories regarding the homework situation. The horror seems unfounded. My daughter manages her own homework workload, receiving most of it on a Monday and having it due Friday. She then, with the help of a whiteboard calendar, parcels the work out through the week. Sometimes she over or underestimates and has a particularly light or heavy night of work, but for the most part it takes her an average of about 40 minutes per night. That’s hardly a punishing amount. The only problem she has is in organizing the various folders and notebooks she has, many of which fail to make it into her backpack and to school. Obviously, we need to work on that.

Compare that homework scenario, though, with the one at a traditional private school in Hancock Park. My friend’s daughter is in 3^rd grade, and her homework quantity suddenly skyrocketed after the holiday break. Her daughter (an amazing student), used to around 30 minutes of work per night, was suddenly laboring for three hours. And when my friend consulted other parents in the class, they reported the same phenomenon: kids staying up past 9 pm, crying, miserable and overworked. The ramp up of the workload seemed mysterious, the teachers’ goals unclear, and the parents pretty much confused. Obviously, some investigation into the sudden change in the homework curriculum needs to happen.

How does the private school homework compare to public school? Again, it seems totally inconsistent. My daughter attended Third St. Elementary until last fall. The homework situation seemed relatively light, but if there was work that took her longer than ten minutes, it was either some extra-special busywork or a project (meaning I had to do the project, too. Joy). But one friend who sends her two kids to a very popular charter school has a different take on homework, since the load and approach varies from teacher to teacher. Her fourth grade son gets his work on a Monday and has to spread it out (Mirman style), plus he also has 30 minutes of reading a night; his teacher isn’t a huge stickler. But her second grade level daughter has a tougher, more traditional teacher and the load seems somehow bigger.

Perhaps the most reasonable approach to the homework question is the ten-minute rule, meaning that in kindergarten and first grade students get ten minutes of homework, with ten minutes added each subsequent grade level. Looking at it that way, my daughter’s 40 minutes a night, in fourth grade, seems perfectly doable. Homework at The Willows operates much the same way, with homework building by grade level, and often assigned on a Monday and collected on a Friday. At The Willows, homework seems very much linked together to a united theme and is completely tied to what they’re studying. The result? No busy work.

Keep in mind, though, that while such amounts do no harm, they might not do any good, either. There are no studies linking rigorous homework in elementary school with any sort of scholastic success later on; indeed, the hardworking Japanese have been doing away with elementary school homework, and they seem pretty academically successful.

While it might seem helpful and informative to ask about a private school’s homework “policy” at an informational interview, the answer might not really reflect the reality. Overall, homework seems to depend on the teacher, not on the school. And, really, that might be better, because if you’re unhappy about your child’s homework load, it’s far easier to approach one teacher than fight an entire school’s policy and philosophy.

Guest Blogger Jenny: What LA Private School Would A "Tiger Mom" Pick? Progressive? Traditional?

January 20, 2011February 21, 2012 admin 1 Comment

Talk about hype. Honestly, everyone’s been abuzzing about Amy Chua’s memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Her brash, hardcore, take no prisoners approach to parenting is giving more indulgent parents plenty to think about. Because, after all, her parenting somehow must have something to do with your parenting, right?

Well, not really. First off, Chua freely admits that even her parenting might be considered extreme by many Chinese parents. She discusses her style as being more in line with “immigrant style” parenting (even though she’s really a second generation Chinese American, and thus not really an immigrant). And, while one of her daughters is a concert level pianist, no doubt due to her obsessive hovering that rivals any Hollywood stage mother, even Chua admits that she might have gone too far. While her first child was a total pleaser, obedient, and a real achiever, her second daughter actively rebelled and actually won the battle. Guess who’s singing the victory battle hymn in her household now?

What I have noticed, at least in my Facebook circle, is some discussion regarding Chua in relation to schools and educational approach. The assumption seems to be that Chua, being so rigid and only interested in A’s, must only be in favor of a traditional, rote education. Well, I read the book (unlike many of the people commenting on it), and there’s hardly anything about the daughter’s academic education contained in it. She mentions school as a place for her daughters to spend part of their day, earning top grades, and then coming home and practicing their respective musical instruments. You see, Tiger Mother isn’t really about raising academic geniuses, it’s about trying, only partially successfully, to raise musical prodigies.

She does write, albeit briefly, about her daughter’s private school, complaining about the special events which demand extreme parental participation. You know what I mean: buying particular cultural items, preparing ethnic foods for festivals, doing tons of work while your child just gets to show up. Her complaint was, to my mind, perfectly valid; the kids should have to do all the work, not the parents.

Despite the paucity of school related material in the book, that hasn’t kept moms I know from starting to question not just their own mothering, but their children’s school’s academic approaches. What is better, progressive or traditional?

Perhaps a better question to ask is if truly traditional education exists in Los Angeles private schools at all. Outside of super religious schools, which might be viewed as traditional and rigid, most private schools here seem pretty forward thinking in terms of academic methods. While my daughter’s school, Mirman, is known for being more “traditional,” I think people are just looking at the uniforms and work load (not as heavy as everyone assumes), not at the teaching methods, which are quite hands on, imaginative, and the opposite of rote learning.

And at more progressive schools, I think the inverse is true. For instance, I went to Crossroads, a progressive school in Santa Monica. We called our teachers by their first names and shoes seemed optional. Yet, the education was rigorous. Rigorous enough that college seemed a cakewalk in comparison. Let’s face it: all these private elementary schools feed into the same competitive college preparatory upper schools. In order to keep acceptance rates (and their own admission rates) high, even progressive schools have to teach hardcore academics and demand excellence. There has to be a competitive edge, however blunted it’s being advertised to leery parents.

The irony of the progressive preference in Los Angeles is that so many of these parents are competitive, highly successful people. They say they want something less rigorous, more individually respectful, and less competitive than what they had academically. Yet, the moment a parent like Chua starts crowing about raising “superior” and competitive children, these same parents panic, thinking: “Her kids have an edge. How do I give my child the same edge?” They are so confused.

You think you want traditional education? Look no further than our lovely LAUSD. When my daughter went to Third St. Elementary, she received a completely rote, traditional education. She was required to memorize what would be on the tests, not look beyond the literal, and most of the subjects seemed mind numbingly dull. She hated science, for instance, because it was “boring.” Now, at Mirman, science is her favorite subject, mostly because it’s taught in such a concentrated, hands on way.

I know one kid who went to a fairly traditional private school in the Hancock Park area. He’s intensely smart, and his parents felt the school was, in its unyielding way, not flexible enough to meet his needs. They moved him to an extremely progressive school. He lasted barely a semester at the new school, switching back to the old one a scant four months later. His mom felt he got lost in the loose academic environment, that perhaps, for her child, the more structured curriculum was better. That seemed like excellent parenting. She looked at her child and decided what would be best for him, not what she necessarily wanted for him (and, by extension, for herself).

Perhaps instead of comparing Chua’s parenting approach and preferences to their own, moms should simply look at their children and follow their individual parenting instincts. What is right for their particular child? What teaching method would garner great results? Chua did that, following her instincts, for better or worse. And by the end of her memoir, I’m not sure she’s recommending her approach to anyone.