Category: Beyond The Brochure

Reader Question: Great School, Inconvenient Location

admin 2 Comments

What do you do if you have great personal contacts at a school, but the school is too far from your house? A great question! Not always an easy answer.

 
In this situation you may have a difficult decision. Let’s say your best friend’s child attends this school. Assume you’ve seen the school and really like it. But, its an hour drive each way to and from your house.
 
If you go ahead and apply to this school, a letter of recommendation from your friend would probably help your application. If your friend offers to speak to the admissions director about your family, all the better.
 
In this situation you really need to determine if the location of the school is going to make it too difficult to get your child there every day. Will the drive be too hard on you? Will the drive be too long for your child? If the drive is more than an hour each way, you really need to consider the feasibility of this commute over the years your child will be at the school. Don’t forget about evening events like Back To School Night and other parent events at the school.
 
If you ask your friend to write you a letter of recommendation, she will probably ask you to promise her you’ll accept the schools offer of admission if your child is accepted. If you don’t, you’ll be putting your friend in a very awkward position with the admissions director. Parents get asked to write letters for friends all the time. But, it’s very uncomfortable if a friend makes a promise to accept the schools offer, but then changes their mind. It puts the parent at the school in an embarrassing situation.
 
So, if you’re asking a friend or contact to recommend your family to an admissions director, don’t double-cross your friend!
 
This isn’t always easy. You’ll need to walk a fine line between asking a friend for a favor and committing to her school and your desire to keep your options open once you get your admissions letters.
 
If you’re unsure about what to do, discuss it with your friend.
 
Private schools want to know that if they offer a family admission, they will accept the offer! One way to potentially avoid this problem is to wait until February to ask your friend to write the letter of recommendation. That way, its late in the admission process, but not yet March. By then you should have a better idea of what other schools you like and a sense of how the parent interviews and child visiting days have transpired.
 
I think every parent at a private school has probably been asked to write a letter for a family only to have that family select another school. It happened to me. Now, I always ask the friend if they will accept an offer of admission before I write the letter.

Example Of Private Elementary School Volunteer Jobs: The Willows School

admin 3 Comments
Here is the list of The Willows School volunteer activities any parent can sign up for. As you can see, there’s lots to do at my kids school and at most private elementary schools. This isn’t even all of the volunteer positions that need to be filled (committee co-chairs, room parent and other leadership positions are generally offered to parents who have volunteered in one or more of the positions below first).
 
Hint: When you are writing your applications, look at the school’s events and volunteer activities to see if your skills or interests match their needs. If so, mention it in your application!! I’ve worked on the Book Fair, Co-Chaired the Auction, Served as Class Captain for the annual giving campaign and more. Everything I’ve done has been based on my interests and skills.
 
Most popular: #5 (Book Fair), #7 (Gardening), #8 (Hot Lunch)
 
Least Popular: #10 Lost and Found, #3 Auction Solicitation
 

1. AUCTION: Assist the Auction Co-Chairs in planning, organizing, and publicizing the Annual Auction and Party. (This is the biggest parent-run fundraiser of the year, so please join in the fun, there’s lots to do.)

 
2. AUCTION CATALOGUE CREATION: Help with writing, designing and formatting the catalogue entries for silent and live auctions
 
3. AUCTION ITEM SOLICITATION: Join the team in procuring fabulous auction items and sponsorships.
 
4. AUCTION ITEM MANAGEMENT: Database input and management of auction items.
 

5. BOOK FAIR: Help plan and organize the Fall Book Fair Celebration.

 
6. CULTURAL PROGRAMS: Help committee to promote a greater understanding of the history and diversity of cultures and people.
 
7. GARDENING: Garden with your child’s grade (DK through 2nd) in the learning garden on a semi-regular basis
 
8. HOT LUNCH: Assist the Hot Lunch program Co-Chairs. Act as a “lead” hot lunch server. “Lead” servers are asked to commit to overseeing the serving of hot lunch one day, every other week throughout the school year. (Hours are from 11:30 am –1 pm).
 
9. LIBRARY: Work with the Librarian and the Library Co-Chairs to assist in maintenance of the school library, Birthday Book Program and special projects. (Must commit to involvement in Book Fair and end-of-year inventory.)
 
10. LOST & FOUND: Help keep lost and found organized. Sort and deliver items with names to classrooms. Volunteers are asked to commit approximately one hour every other week.
 
11. PACIFIC PARK PIER EVENT: Help plan and organize the spring family event.
 
12. POSTER/SIGNAGE COMMITTEE (A): Looking for Graphic Designers to create posters/signage and invitations for school events. Knowledge of Photoshop and other design programs required.
 
13. POSTER/SIGNAGE COMMITTEE (B): If you are not a graphic designer, you can volunteers to print posters/signage on our large format printer, and then mount for use at school and special events. We will train on printer. Some knowledge of Photoshop required.
 
14. SCHOOL PHOTO COORDINATION: Work with co-chair to coordinate activities between photographer, yearbook staff, teachers, administration and parents. Coordinate scheduling for portraits, all school photo and class photos. Organize parent volunteers for photo shoots.
 
15. T-Shirt Sales. Assist in the organization, sales and delivery of Willows T-shirts, both regular and event (Book Fair and Pier Party) throughout the year.
 
16. VIDEOGRAPHY: Video various school activities and daytime/evening events as coordinated by Willows staff. Supply Communication/Media with footage we will share on our website and use in school video productions. Responsible for downloading footage to our Willows Yearbook server. Willows will supply a digital camcorder that can be checked out for use at the school. Download is easy with a DV memory card. It’s important to have some computer knowledge for downloading to a Macintosh.
 

17. YEARBOOK: Assist in the planning, assembly and production of the annual Willows yearbook.

Private Elementary School Parent Associations: The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times

admin 1 Comment


Wacky antics, stealth agendas, soap opera plots, screaming fights, politics more labyrinthine than Capitol Hill. Is this a high powered, testostorone-fueled corporate boardroom? No, this is just your average LA private elementary school parent association.

 
Volunteering at your child’s school can be as fun as a girlfriend’s lunch or about as dreadful as spending time with a bunch of mean girls.
 
All the private elementary schools have parent associations. Some schools make sure the administration keeps a tight rein on the activities of the group, for obvious reasons. Other schools take the approach that the parent association’s events are “parent run” and therefore somewhat out of the control of the school. Parent associations are a very visible reflection of the school in many ways, especially when they are responsible for numerous school events each year and selecting parents to serve on volunteer committees.
 
Here are a few types of parent association volunteers you might encounter:
  • The Professional. Accustomed to working efficiently in a high-level job, this no-nonsense mom doesn’t have time to waste. She knows how to run a meeting and cut to the chase. She doesn’t suffer fools easily. If she gets antsy, she won’t look up from her Blackberry.
  • The Flake. You’ll see her name everywhere there is a volunteer job to be done, but you’ll never see her. She’ll text the person in charge at the last minute with an excuse. But, her name was all over the place, so that’s all she cares about.
  • The Micromanager. She clings tightly to her job and likes to keep those under her on a tight leash. Refusing to share helpful information, this volunteer is not a team player.
  • The Reliable One. The most loved volunteer. She’s always willing to help, no matter what the task or how late at night she gets called. She shows up, does the work and leaves. No drama. No problem.
  • The Hidden Agenda. This mom has an agenda. It may be to be appointed to the board of the school. It may have to do with her child. Either way, she’s using volunteer work to advance her agenda and will step on anyone who gets in her way.
  • The Talker. Her divorce, dating life, problems with her kids. It’s all about her during meetings. She’s hard to shut up and if you try, she may just keep talking.
  • The Self-Designated Super-Star. She jets in at the last second to find fault with other volunteers decorations, yearbook design or other work. She insists on redoing the work herself so she feels like she contributed. She angers other volunteers with her sheer arrogance.
  • The Leader. Brings people together, motivates parents to stay late and makes it fun. A true leader who everyone wants to work with.
  • In Over Her Head. This mom means well, but just doesn’t have the skills or ability to do the job she’s supposed to do. Usually people try to work around her, but sometimes, she’ll be asked to step aside if a big project starts to fall apart.
  • Toxic Mom. By far the worst of the bunch. She is unbalanced to begin with and a pressure-filled volunteer role makes her mean and antagonistic toward anyone she perceives as a threat. Try to figure out who she is early on and steer clear!

My shouting match one morning with a mom from the parent association (she’s also on the board) in the Willows School parent lounge filled with other parents isn’t one of my proudest moments. Tensions were running high. I was exhausted. It was the final few days before the auction fundraiser (I was a co-chair) and this mom came in swinging. This cringeworthy episode was, unfortunately, not all that unusual for private elementary school parent-run events. But, I learned my lesson. I’m just not cut out for parent association volunteering. I help our school in other ways, but I now stay far away from the parent association. Its in my best interest…and theirs too.

 

Reader Question: Left Application Question Blank…What To Do?

admin Leave a comment

We pulled this interesting reader question from the comment section:Anonymous said…

I just bought your book and finished it really quickly. Thanks for all the useful information! Unfortunately, we had already submitted our application for the school that I am keen on before I read all the advice. We left the section on the application where we were invited to share ‘any other important information about our family’ blank. However, I feel good about what we wrote about our child. After reading your book I realize how important it is to share information about the family. Should I wait for the tour or interview to offer the admissions director a revised application or should I call right now? Did I blow it?

July 19, 2010 4:08 PMChristina Simon said…

 

 

Hi Anon:

Thanks for buying the book and reading the blog!! Anne and I both feel that the section of the application you left blank is generally to give a family the chance to forewarn the school about something unique, out of the ordinary or unusual about your family. The fact that you left it blank is fine. We don’t think you should revise the application or call the school. Leave your application as it is. But, make sure to round out your “family messages” or information about your family in the parent interview.

 

You should have the opportunity in the parent interview to discuss your family in detail. If the parent interview is focused on other topics i.e the weather, you will need to try to guide the conversation towards your family’s attributes and importantly why your child will be a GREAT FIT for this particular school. Not any private school, but the school where you’re applying. Try to be specific with examples i.e. the sports program, the reading program, the similarity to your preschool, etc. Obviously, private schools want kids that they can teach and that will be happy and stay at the school and, of course, parents who will contribute their volunteer time and contribute financially, if possible. You can help them understand that YOU are that family! Also, see our previous post about “Family Messages”. Good luck!

Christina and Anne

 

July 19, 2010 4:31 PM

Anonymous said…

Thanks so much! Great advice!!!

July 19, 2010 4:58 PM

 

Our Guest Blogger Tours The "Gooey & Precious" School

admin 7 Comments

The Fertile Crescent

Great Expectations: When School Tours Go Awry. Everyone has expectations about the private schools they’re considering for their child. When I was researching schools for my daughter, I spent plenty of time remembering what Anna’s preschool head had said regarding different schools. I read lots of online material. I chatted with friends about their experiences. And then I dove in and took the tours.

 

Expectations, though, are funny things. They come back to bite you. Like the time I marched into a tour convinced of certain things about the school, and walked out of the tour clutching my vitals. How, I wondered, could I have gotten it so wrong?

 

I was fully prepared to like this nameless, not to be identified school. I really wanted to like it, since I’d heard great things about its academics and approach (its location didn’t hurt, either). So, I entered the tour in a very friendly state of mind, as did my ex-husband and my significant other; a veritable threesome of good vibes, we were.

 

It was a lovely new campus, almost an oasis in the middle of surging suburbia. We were greeted and deposited in a modern library, complete with snacks and various giveaway items emblazoned with the school’s name. Fancy. And then the AD got up to speak. And speak. And speak.

 

Here’s some of the things said that gave me a headache:

▪    A gushy, mushy, corny rant about how our children are so special to each of us, and what good care they take of them. Well, for the price I’d be paying, good care is the least I should expect.

▪    A constant bragging about the wonderful middle schools the kids matriculate into. One mention is enough. More than that seemed to point to some insecurity.

▪    The headmaster telling a completely phony, self-serving story about some new kindergartner wanting to go to the school on a Saturday. Maybe the kid was just confused, not enthusiastic.

 

And then there was the very self-congratulatory community service program. The school hosts a “sister school” type program once a year for physically challenged kids at a public school in an underprivileged neighborhood. For these kids, the AD said, the visiting day to such a beautiful campus to play games “was like going to Disneyland.” Huh? The sister school is in an underprivileged area, not the Third World. There was even a video of wealthy kids pushing the poor kids’ wheelchairs around, with one of the pushers on camera, disingenuously saying, “This is the my favorite thing I’ve done all year.” I’m all for community service, but I didn’t like the tone.

 

What was even more bizarre was when they brought the elderly founder out to discuss his educational philosophy. It was very interesting, but it bore almost no relationship to what was going on at the school at present. This juxtaposition, in fact, was a bit stunning.

 

After about an hour of that, we finally got to the tour. It was given by two 6th graders, who were perfectly adorable (if perfectly canned). There was a lot of emphasis placed on an outdoor area with a silly name (I’m going to call it “The Fertile Crescent”). Such a verdant area was nice, although given the economic make up of the student body, how big a deal was it, really? After all, I’m sure all the kids had trees and flowers at home. Is it so important to have them at school? Just wondering about the need to point out the “Crescent” constantly during the tour.

 

In fact, the emphasis on The Fertile Crescent seemed to encompass the whole problem I had with this school and its tour approach. The staff kept emphasizing self-esteem and feeling good, yet then would do a double take and describe it as an academically rigorous environment. And to its credit, when I saw the academics, they looked good. The math class I saw was fascinating and stimulating. But just when I was getting good and interested in the academics, they’d ruin it with mush. There also seemed to be a bit of denial about how children behave. My significant other asked the Vice Principal about whether the school had a behavior code (a relevant question, and one that’s particularly important for our child, who will manipulate a system unless there are very clear boundaries). The VP seemed a bit stuck. He did point out a somewhat haphazard code, but he seemed to dismiss the question with the attitude of “we don’t have those problems here.” Please. Every school has those problems.

 

The capper, though, came toward the tour’s end. We walked into the music room, and a group of 1st graders “spontaneously” burst into singing “We Are the World.” Oh no. I thought the three of us were going to double over laughing. And yes, I realize that, to a less jaded little group, this musical display might hold appeal. Just not for us.

 

As we limped away, we all agreed that this school was wrong for Anna. She doesn’t need more coddling and self-esteem; she needs boundaries and discipline. We couldn’t get a real handle on the academic situation. And thus, we canceled her interview and tour almost immediately. One more school crossed off the list. Expectations dashed.

 

What was so disappointing about this experience is that the school had really shot itself in the foot. There was nothing wrong with the academics there. The staff seemed so well meaning. But the school was caught between what it really needs to be in order to survive in a competitive private school market, and what it felt the parents “needed” to hear. I guess we were the parents who just fully rejected the message as marketing, and that made us suspicious of its motives.

 

About a week after the tour, I received a little envelope from the school. It was a packet of sunflower seeds, the outside of the envelope stating it was from The Fertile Crescent. Needless to say, I didn’t plant them.

 

Thank you to our guest blogger, Jenny Heitz, for sharing her story. Jenny’s daughter Anna attended preschool at Montessori Shir-Hashirim. She attended 3rd St. Elementary School and will enter Mirman School for 4th Grade this fall (see Jenny’s post from 7/28/10…”The Gooey and Precious School is a reference from this post). You can find Jenny blogging at www.findatoad.com a fabulous, well-edited site for adult and kids gifts under $200.