Guest Blogger Jenny: Selected Writings From Other Mom Blogs…She Has A Lot To Say!

Jenny In Aerial Fitness Class
My friend and guest blogger extraordinaire, Jenny Heitz, also writes for some of our favorite mom blogs. Here’s a compilation of her recents posts you may have missed. You’ll recognize her great writing and, of course, her sense of humor. Topics range from her daughter’s walks around the block to vanity over 40, divorce, hanging upside down in her aerial fitness class, and her hilarious opinion of mommy chat rooms. But, she does have a serious side. Read the very informative piece about scary cuts to Planned Parenthood in the Daily News.
When Do You Let Kids Run Errands By Themselves? On A Child Grows In Brooklyn
The Ups And Downs Of Facebook For One Mom on Divine Caroline
Flying Through The Air: Aerial Fitness On Mamapedia
Food Network Kids On The Culture Mom
Vanity Over 40 On Sane Moms
Style Over 40 On Blog Her
Making A Blended Family Divorce Situation Work On Hybrid Mom
Online Mommy Communities: Popular, But Post At Your Own Risk On The Twin Coach
In Targeting Planned Parenthood, Other Services Will Be Lost In The Daily News

Online Mommy Groups: Paradise For The Parsimonious on Technorati
http://technorati.com/women/article/mommy-online-referral-groups-paradise-for/

And, don’t forget to visit Jenny’s own modern gift giving blog, Find A Toad. It’s fabulous!

They’re Not In Preschool Anymore: Elementary School Different In Many Ways

 
Now that I’ve been a mom at a private elementary school for five years, I’ve noticed that the culture of elementary school is vastly different than the preschools here. I expected some similarities, but really there are very few. Obviously, each school is different. But, as I write this, I’m drawing on my own experience and that of my friends at many of the top schools. 
 
Most preschools attract neighborhood families. At my daughter’s preschool, Montessori Shir-Hashirim in Hollywood, families lived in the Hollywood Hills and Hancock Park. It was easy to get to and from each other’s houses and I still have two close friends I met there. 
 
Private elementary schools in LA attract families from far-flung geographic neighborhoods. My kids’ school, The Willows Community School, has families from Inglewood to the Palisades and everywhere in between. Getting together is logistically more difficult than it was in preschool. The school days are longer and scheduling playdates is harder. 
 
But, that’s not the only difference between preschools and private elementary schools. The cultures of the schools differ dramatically. In preschool, you may have been asked to contribute to school events, either as a volunteer or financially. But, the events were most likely small and the requirements fairly reasonable, both in terms of your time and money. 
 
Elementary school is a different story entirely! Volunteerism is expected. You can’t just disappear because you work full time. There are too many parents who work and volunteer.
 
Annual giving is required (an unspoken rule.) This is different than it was at both my kids’ preschools, neither of which required any financial contributions. (My son attended It’s A Children’s World). 
 
Elementary schools expect 100 percent parent participation in their annual giving campaigns. Opting out is not an option. Yes, there is always that one family who refuses to give “on principle” that they don’t believe in giving beyond the tuition. Guess what? This doesn’t go over well with school administrators, who will try to get the family to give $1 so they can be counted in the annual giving campaign participation. You really don’t want to be that family, trust me. We’ve all heard the term sh** list and that family would be on it. 
 
But, the biggest difference between preschool parents and private elementary school parents is ambition. I don’t mean personal career ambition (although career networking and social climbing happens.) I’m talking about ambition to chair committees, join the board, secure highly visible volunteer positions. Why?  Here’s why:
 
“We don’t really care if a parent baked cookies for the fair, but if a parent has been on a board, that’s a big deal.” 
– Elizabeth Gregory, Director of Admissions at Harvard-Westlake
 

That quote pretty much sums it up. I LOVE that quote!

 

The determination to do everything possible to ensure your child is accepted into a top secondary school runs deep in the culture of many of LA’s private elementary schools. It has impacted my volunteer decisions and our family’s financial giving, without a doubt. How could it not?

 

A friend of mine recently described a meeting she attended at her kid’s school as “WWF meets Desperate Housewives” because of the infighting and elbowing for position among the moms in the room. I’ve been in those rooms and I’ve let my sharp elbows fly too (yes, I always regretted it later.).One friend of mine had to deal with a mom who came in at the last minute and re-did everyone else’s work right before a big event. My friend was livid, but wisely decided to stay out of it. However, the next year when she was in charge of the event, she made sure that mom wasn’t anywhere near it. 

 

I think knowing a bit about this stuff before your child starts school can help you navigate these sometimes choppy waters. If things on the surface seem a bit odd or there seems to be something missing from the story you’re being given about volunteering, ask yourself if ambition is behind what’s going on. For example, if you sign up for a committee and you never hear back, maybe it has something to do with school politics.  Chances are, it might. Last year I offered to get several items donated for the school auction. Since I had previously co-chaired this event, I thought these donations–that had previously brought in several thousand dollars–would be welcome. Nope! Seemed nobody was interested. Hmmm. 

 

Until recently, I had no idea parents lobbied hard for volunteer positions at private schools. I thought you had to be asked to serve.  

 

It’s a good thing I have the personality for this kind of networking!

 

If you’re wondering whether this is a cautionary tale, it is. Take it from me, don’t let petty school politics or infighting ruin your day (or month). I’ve made that mistake. Now, I select volunteer activities that ensure the elbows fly far away from me.  



Are there private elementary schools in LA that don’t have cultures which foster ambition, competition and in-fighting? Of course! I just don’t know of any. 

 
Our goal with this blog is to fling open the curtains on admissions and life at private elementary schools in Los Angeles. Let us know what you think! We welcome your comments, thoughts and opinions. 

 

Guest Blogger Jenny: Private Schooling With Celebrities!

Do Stars Shine Brightly At LA Private Schools?

 

The Daily Truffle posted a list of celebrities who graduated from Los Angeles area schools. Although L.A. is thought of as a city of transplants, natives can be found hiding in the manicured landscape. And I should know, since I’m one of them.

 

Having grown up in Beverlywood and attended Crossroads from 8-12th grades, I was amused by the Truffle’s list. It was, of course, heavily weighted toward the obvious sort of celebrity (I saw no brain surgeons or physicists on the list, although I’m sure there are some who graduated from my alma mater). And it made me think about the celebrity kids I went to school with, as well as the exposure to the celebrity culture my daughter might have as she makes her way through the L.A. private school scene.

 

I graduated from Crossroads in 1986, along with a good number of immensely bright and talented people, some of who are now mildly famous. Take, for instance, Anthony Wilson, an incredible working musician who plays guitar all over the world, or the bluegrass singer Gillian Welch.  Matthew Tyrnaur, a roving editor for Vanity Fair who wrote, directed and produced last year’s documentary, “Valentino, The Last Emperor,” is a huge talent. How about Richard Rushfield, a terribly sardonic writer who, after publishing a couple of books, has finally hit his stride with the recently released American Idol: The Untold Story.  Another example is Crossroads alum Maya Rudolph, who’s simply one of the funniest women ever on SNL.

Here’s the rub, though: for every superbright, very accomplished, fabulously erudite alum there are the duds who ruin it for everyone. While I can crow about my talented aforementioned classmates, there’s a Crossroads wall of shame, too. Poor Gary Coleman graduated in my Crossroads class. Performance genius Peter Sellars’ daughter, Victoria, went to Crossroads as well (her nickname was Pebbles, she has since been in porn, say no more). And, finally, just to utterly destroy any sense of pride I might have had, mental giant Brody Jenner  (of reality show “The Hills” fame) graduated from Crossroads, too. Not exactly a sterling endorsement.

 

Perusing the list further, I came to the conclusion that, if you want your kid to have mega studio contacts, sending the tyke to Crossroads or Harvard Westlake is probably a sound move. There’s a ton of kids of Hollywood power players at these schools, and since Hollywood is merely an extension of high school socially (although played for higher stakes), there’s value in who you know. When I looked at Buckley’s “star” alums, though, it seemed resolutely “D” list: Paris Hilton, Alyssa Milano, Melissa Rivers.

 

The determination I’ve made is that sending kids to school with celebrities is probably unavoidable in Los Angeles, but not really a positive. It’s one thing to get a great education and then go out there and conquer the world, but that’s not what celebrity kids do. They are a distraction from the education, a sort of private school sideshow that titillates the ordinary students, but ultimately adds nothing to the academic experience. I may have graduated with Gary Coleman, but I do not remember him in any of my classes. He was like a celebrity ghost.

 

Now that my daughter attends Mirman, I wander around the campus sometimes, looking for the evidence of celebrity. I haven’t found it. It may exist there, somewhere, but at Mirman academic accomplishment seems to trump all. Whether they’re figuring out a math proof, composing a poem, or performing in a play, the school’s emphasis is on who you are as a person and what you can produce, not where you came from and who you know. And who knows? Anna just might be sitting next to a future Nobel Prize winner, or the inventor of the next Facebook, or maybe just a really good, really nice kid who will be her loyal friend forever. You never know.

 

Editor’s Note: The Willow’s School has had it’s share of notable celebrity kids. The daughters of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore were students there. So was Courtney Love’s daughter. And Steven Spielberg’s kid. There is currently a major, A+List celebrity family at the school. For privacy reasons, I won’t mention the name. But, it does make for fun “star-sightings!”

Jenny Heitz has worked as a staff writer for Coast Weekly in Carmel, freelanced in the South Bay, and then switched to advertising copywriting. Her daughter started 4th grade at Mirman School this year. She previously attended 3rd St. Elementary School. Jenny has been published recently in the Daily News. She now writes about gift ideas and products on her blog, Find A Toad.

Your Child’s Visiting and Testing Day

If you’re nervous about your kid’s “playdate” or “visiting day” at the schools where you’ve applied, you’re probably not alone. Who wouldn’t be nervous taking their child to a new school to “play” with a mock class of 20 or so other kids they don’t know? As I’ve said before, this part of the process was the most disconcerting aspect of the entire admissions process for me. I found it VERY stressful. It’s like a ridiculously bad dream that you’re unable to avoid. But, we got through it. And, so did thousands of other parents and their kids all over Los Angeles that year. And every year.

You really have very little control over what happens during the “playdate” or visiting day. Your child may be excited and enthusiastic or not. They may be hesitant or reluctant. Most schools know everyone will be nervous. Admissions directors do try to make the environment as relaxed as possible. They know you may be tense and your child will be picking up on your demeanor. Trust the school to make the day as low-key and stress-free as possible. That’s part of their job!

My advice? Try not to over-think the day before (or after) it happens. 

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t send your nanny to take your child to visiting day. 

We discuss visiting days extensively in Beyond The Brochure. I’ve also written these posts about my daughter’s visiting days. Guest blogger Jenny Heitz has also shared her visiting day stories too.

We hope this helps!