More Private Elementary School Admissions Humor…If You Don’t Laugh During The Process, You’ll Cry

Here are my favorite pretend “parents”, “Catherine and Kent” from theSFKfilesblogspot.com in San Francisco on various private school topics.

Whoever writes these blog posts is hilarious, offensive and best of all, makes fun of the private elementary school admissions process by creating characters who are the quintessential sterotypes of private school families.

On Educational Consultants…

We used J.D. Worthington III. He is extremely well connected in the city and he golfs regularly with two of the headmasters at the “elites.” He is not listed anywhere. If you don’t know how to reach him, you have no business using him. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that’s reality. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Catherine and Kent

April 9, 2010 5:53 PM

On Getting Accepted To Private Elementary School...

We are so ecstatic that our Jeffrey went 4/6 in the privates. We can say we coached him well, but I suppose in the end good breeding helps. Mummy and poppy are so proud of Jeffrey!

We will choose one of the “elite 3″ that admitted Jeffrey. We know some schools are fond of touting “diversity”, but this is often a code word for admitting less qualified students who lack the means to sustain their commitment to the school. We think Jeffrey’s elite choice has properly avoided making that claim.

Tonight we will fly to Apsen for a week to celebrate Jeffrey’s good fortune. We wish all the parents who belong in this harried process our best wishes for a suitable outcome. Being chosen for one of these elite schools is not easy and for some the realization that they do not make the cut will be difficult. We support many charities and feel good about what we do for the less fortunate.

Catherine and Kent

About how to afford private schools…

If you have to ask the question of how you should pay, you shouldn’t be going to private school. Two words: dividends and interest.

Sincerely,
Catherine – Jeffrey’s mummy (Kent’s working late tonight)

On choosing a school…

People who need financial aid truly don’t belong at these schools. They tend to inculcate a lazy sensibility that seeps into the school culture. We received 4 spots and intend to clutch tightly onto each one until Thursday morning at which time we will inform the chosen AD that our Jeffrey will be joining their class. We hope that sensible people of means will fill the three slots that we relinquish. In the meantime we celebrate with gusto here in Aspen. We will drink Ricard (over ice) and gin martinis and enjoy duck liver pate. We will sooth our muscles in a sauna. See you in the fall.

Catherine and Kent

More about selecting a school…

Today we visited the Chesterfields, Kent’s dear friend from Phillips Exeter Academy. The Chesterfields have a vacation house down the road from ours in Aspen. Back home they live in an extremely large and gorgeous home in Sea Cliff with all of the loveliest amenities and a priceless view of the Pacific Ocean.

Well, the reason I mention them is that the Chesterfields face a delightful little predicament. Their daughter Claire Lilly went 2/2 in the privates, and I think you know which two I’m talking about. They are having an extraordinary time figuring out which one to choose. Today over many Ricards (with ice) and a gorgeous platter of shellfish we discussed this important decision with them. They know they they must decide and release at about 9:30am tomorrow. We hope that the sophisticated here who have partaken in the education at one or the other of these very prestigious academies can offer any insight they have that may aid the Chesterfields in deciding. Do understand that they value exclusivity, patrician values such as noblesse oblige and clean and well-maintained facilities as well as cultural similarities with faculties and fellow students, if you get my drift. Thanks on behalf of the Chesterfields for any help you may offer.

Warmly,
Catherine and Kent


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Christina Simon: Los Angeles, California, United States I'm the mom of a daughter (15) and a son (12) who attend Viewpoint School in Calabasas. I live in Coldwater Canyon with my family and a rescue pit bull, Cocoa. Contact me at csimon2007@gmail.com

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